Read A Book: In This House We Will Giggle by Courtney Defeo {Parenthood}

I am the type of person who will fill up my holds list from the library with books I want to read and still not have anything available. It doesn't help that my husband and I share the library card for the electronic sources. Once my hold list is full and I need a new book, I scourge the database for an available book.

I came across In This House We Will Giggle by Courtney DeFeo and decided to give it a go.

This time around searching for a book, I was looking for a quick and fast read. This one seemed like it would fit the bill for a fast and easy read, but I had to check it out a second time. Not as a bad thing. I loved this book and the ideas presented. I'm considering purchasing it, and I rarely now purchase books.

Parenting is hard. Kids are hard. At first, I thought this book was going to be more about laughter, ways to parent without yelling, at this point I cannot completely remember what I thought this book was about. So, I cannot remember what I expected when I started reading. It does give some activities to do with the kids to fill the house with the sound of laughter. But the bulk of the book is about instilling virtues in our children, with suggested bible verses and applicable activities.

I like being able to use bible verses with the kids to teach them virtues and life expectations. And as we discuss the verses as we use them, it helps remind me too. Being a baby in my faith still, it's fun to watch the kids grow in theirs alongside me.

The study is broken down by month, which is why i feel i need to buy this book. Activities to practice the virtue are applicable and realistic. I couldn't wait to get started. Though for this month, the extent of our practice is thanking God for things in the morning. Which actually had helped my morning mood. 

I know, after getting this book and beginning the practice, I would have a hard time with forgiveness (the family cross is an incredible idea!) Because sharing your sins is embarrassing and should be humbling. It would be great at modeling for my kids though! 

And I would have a hard time with generosity because the days we had nothing are so close still. Trying to feed a family of 4 (at the time) on $35 a week is still so fresh in my mind I get scared we will be back in that position again. A ridiculous fear, and one I'm obviously going to have to fight through. I get scared we may need something and therefore have a hard time giving things away. Goodness knows I want to give. I need to do it and get over my fear. I do have a lot of time to share though too, not just physical items. I need to remember, it's not about just stuff... after all, we are just stewards, everything belongs to God.

I am looking forward to buying this book and putting the activities into practice.

I Don't Like "Rainbow Fish": I'm Not Alone {and} Why We Will Still Read It {Parenthood}

I was first introduced to "Rainbow Fish" by Marcus Pfister for Virtual Book Club for Kids. The library wait for the hardback was forever and a day, so I decided to go with the board book. After all how different could the board book be? That was my first experience with board books being a slightly condensed version of the actual book. My impression of that book was less than thrilling.

Fast forward a few years. Our MOPs group brought back the Book Club for Kids we started my year as the events and creative activities person. The host picks a book, does a craft, and maybe a snack to go with it.  

The recent pick was the "rainbow fish". 

My son is studying rainbow fish in second grade. I realized in some conversation with him that I hadn't read the full story, or there was something I was missing.

I decided to go and experience the book in a new light. So many people enjoy this book. I felt I must have been missing something.

And... I missed parts talking to some other moms.

I decided to find a reading on youtube. We sat and listened to the whole story. I was let down by the story again. 

The artistry is alluring. I understand the want to teach our kids to share. It's the premise behind the type of sharing that drives me nuts about the book. There was more to it and I couldn't put my finger to what I didn't like. 

So I set to trusty Google to see what else others might have said. I can't be alone in my opinion in this over-opinionated cyber world. I found at least 4 (here, here, here, and here) posts. The rest, several pages were art activities for kids. Yet. I am not alone in my opinion of the book. Thank goodness, at least.

1st issue. overly prideful. I have this same issue with Thomas the Train. Yet, kids are like this. We weren't born void of sin, so that's understandable. The colorful fish would flaunt his scales to the other fish even though they wanted to play with him. Now there is nothing wrong with taking pride in god given gifts, abilities, and traits. Yet, flaunting them is not ok. The rainbow fish wanted to know why the other fish turned their backs? Maybe if he made more of an effort to play. It wasn't the fact that he had the scales and didn't share that was the problem, but the fact that he was flaunting them to the other fish.

2nd issue, the demanding little blue fish. Like so many of the other posts, this one bugs me. The rainbow fish had every right to say no to giving away his scale to the little blue fish. It was not asked of him to give a scale away but demanded. We don't demand things in this house. We ask nicely. At least that is what I tell myself and remind my children when they demand. After the octopus said his thing and the little blue fish came back further irritated me. Starting to not be mad because he only wanted one scale. Again, a demand. Not asking nicely.

3rd issue, the other fish only played with him after he gave his scales away. Like another of the posters stated, what if there were more fish and he didn't have enough scales to give to them all? He is essentially buying his friends using the scales? Are those fish true friends? Taken literally, should we harm ourselves for the sake of having someone as a friend?

My husband found it nuts that he wasn't happy until all the fish were the same, with one shiny scale per fish. He claims socialism undertones.

What I wish was that there was more to the growing happier when giving his scales away. More towards the rainbow fish's change in behavior and attitude and less about the fish taking away the scales and playing with him because they have a scale. Don't get me wrong. Generosity and giving is a good thing to promote, it's the premise behind it that bugs me the most.

Now, I'm not going to shun this book from my house.

The best thing about this book? All the room for this book gives for meaningful discussion with the kids. Life isn't perfect. Stories aren't going to present and solve problems perfectly. This book gives so much for us to use with our kids from the behavior of the rainbow fish to the little fish.

I hope my kids will be better than to flaunt something in front of their friends. I hope they don't demand things from their friends or expect their friends to give them something just because they have so much. I hope they know that it is ok to say no to giving a piece of themselves away, that those people aren't going to be very good friends if they demand or expect that.

All those points you can use throughout the book and talk about. We were lucky. My son brought up the book and a writing assignment he had from their study. What kinds of things can you share with your friends? He didn't know. It also happened to be my daughter's 5th birthday and she picked the meal. My son threw a fit because he didn't want to eat it. She picked chicken wings, tater tots, salad, and rolls and he didn't want to eat the bone-in chicken wings. It was the perfect opportunity to talk about the kinds of things that we can share vs. things we might not want to share and don't have to share. Our now 5-year-old chose to share some of her favorite food with her family because it is something she enjoys. My son decided to eat the food despite the bones in the chicken. He enjoyed dinner, and ate more than what my husband and I anticipated. And, he said he had an idea for his writing assignment.

I still don't like the book. It's not a favorite. But we may not have had the discussion at dinner about sharing. I hope that we can read that book and use those disliked elements for developing further meaningful conversations with my kids.

1st day of School {parenthood}

When you walk your child up to the kindergarten playground for the first time, how did you feel? Excited, sad, nervous? How was your kindergartener?

I think having been a teacher help facilitate my excitement when I walked my first up to the kindergarten playground for the first time. Though this year, with my second, I was apprehensive. So many concerns ran through my head. Will she be ready? Will she follow directions well? Will she learn what she needs to in order to progress to the next grade level? She is such a young kindergartener, only turning 5 three days after the first day of school (meaning tomorrow!). I was not as sure of her starting kindergarten as I was of my first starting. 

It's hard to get over that apprehension. 

Wait. Back up a sec. School started already? It's only July! 

I know that's what you're thinking. How in the world have you started school already when it is only July. Haven't most districts just ended their school year?

We are in a district that sets up a "modified year-round" schedule. We love it. The kids were rowdy and ready to back right when it was time to go back. They missed their friends. They still have the same 180 day school year, but longer fall and spring breaks. If we were to travel, it would work out perfectly.

Still. I let them go despite my own nerves. The kids loved their first week. I was nervous. But as the week progressed I felt much better.

My kindergartener wishes it was full day kindergarten instead of half a day and my 2nd grader? Well, he is a second grader and ready for the weekend to play with his siblings.

The best way to overcome the apprehension? Time. I'm still nervous my young kindergartener will fall behind. I'm worried my play focused 2nd grader will end up needing remedial work in reading. But, only time will tell. I just need to let them be them. It's such a hard thing as a parent. 

Budgeting Back to School {HomeLife}

I kind of have been working on the back to school budget. Woah. Back to school what?!? It's only May!

I know. I actually worked on the budget back in February.

It was the "kinder round up" which prompted me deciding to start it then. Especially since Samara starts kindergarten in the next school year!

Our school year here in Arizona (and I am fairly certain it is most of the state) starts at the beginning of August. The district in which we live starts in the middle of July. It is a modified year-round, so our summer is shorter, but we get longer breaks.

Starting the budget for it in February gives 5 months to save up for buying the supplies, clothes and other necessities. It is easier to save earlier than to start saving later. Plus it is a bonus to plan for the cost non-sale items and have money left over.  I think after this next year I'll start saving right after the start of the year instead of only the 5 months I gave myself this year (this is all in theory anyway. I may forget! Ha!).

I'm fairly thankful our school has the supply shopping lists for each grade posted on the website. I don't know what my parents did in the time of no internet. I remember getting the shopping lists at school, was it at the end of school for the next year or at the beginning of the school year I do not remember. But I need so much more time than that to plan. It must be my type A personality. I'm just thankful I can access it anytime.

I used the list from the website and entered each item into a spreadsheet. I used google sheets because it's easy to access from my phone and computer straight from my google drive. The columns from there are the total of the item, running total to spend, what I spent per item, running total spend and the difference. Here is an example of the columns...

I did this for the optional items as well. If we can save up for those we would try, but I am not too worried about those.

To find the cost of the items, I went online and checked out Walmart, Office Max, and Target for their current cost of items. I'll be honest, some costs carried over from previous years and I didn't bother to check those. I tried to make it as up to date as I felt necessary. I'll see next year how much it changes.

I took the final tally and divided it amongst the paychecks between then and the start of the school year. And each kid has their own budget, they each get their own line.

It helps to keep up with what you spent the previous year. I did this for when my first started kindergarten as well and discovered I underbudgeted for some of his clothes. The difference for things like his backpack made up for the amount I was short (I only spent half), but I have since adjusted those overspent amounts. Tabs at the bottom help keep track of it.

This year I plan on working on keeping the kids with a capsule wardrobe (yup. love those things) to limit the number of clothes they have and so I do not need to spend too much money on things for them (and don't forget not having loads of laundry). Luckily, for now, they still have shirts that fit. Pants, shorts, and undergarments will be the biggest expenditure for clothes.

I'm excited. I love shopping for school supplies and new clothes.

I'm sure the way I do it is either harder than it has to be or too simple.

How do you budget for the school year?

The Longest Month of School {Parenthood}

 I pick up my son from school, we are a couple weeks into the month. He looks at me and asks, "Mom, when is the next half day." He looks tired. The homework load is getting harder to help prepare for the next grade level and he has not been sleeping well. Sure he has been waking up early and able to get to school on time in the morning, but it's taking its toll on his poor little body. I can tell he is overtired, his action lately has proven his exhaustion. I feel like the only thing to do know is to start counting down the days to summer break.

April. This is the month where our state does their standardized testing (we aren't there yet in 1st grade thankfully!). It is the only month during the school year without a break, a day off or a half-day to make it feel like it goes by faster. Now that I double check the calendar, there is nothing until the end of school at the end of May! Because of this, it feels like the longest last couple months of the school year.

I look back at my little guy while he sits and waits nicely, rather uncharacteristically patient of him to do, for my response. I know when the next half day takes place. I just don't know if I want to tell him he still has another month before he gets the respite he so clearly wants right now. The last day off he had from school was Good Friday, a couple weeks prior.

Last year we were invited to a cousins wedding on the east coast and took a week off from school and work to make a vacation of the trip. We missed a whole week out of this long month, so our experiences were entirely different. Even with half-day kindergarten, I could tell he needed a break midway through this month. This is our first full-day school year, and it seems to make this month a little bit harder.

This year I don't have the vacation to give that buffer for us. I would much rather do something to survive this month without having to go about counting down for summer. Even though we are at the end of the year I still want to maintain that certain level of excitement about attending school. It's so hard to do though when the kids feel like they need a break.

I had spent some time thinking about activities I can do with the kids to keep them occupied and active. The kids love to spend time watching t.v. which was one of the last things I wanted to spend time doing this month and until school lets out. I searched for activities to do outside with the kids, though most activities seemed to be summer based. Those would be fun, but a bit too involved and planning necessary for a weekend or after-school activity. I felt I needed something structured for them.

As I watch my kids play after we get home I realize sometimes it is the unstructured activity they need to unwind. This last month + of school is already going to be structured time upon structured time. I can hear the three of them laughing from one of their bedrooms as they goof off and play. I can't help but smile at the sounds of their free time together. No expectations (aside from the love and kindness expectations we have within our family).

I think we are going to take it easy during this final stretch of the school year. I know I will be asked a few more times when the next half day or day off will be. But, until that moment comes I won't try to push activities on them, I will let them come up with their own games on their own. We will survive this exhausting time day by day. Slowly. Because sometimes it's ok to just let the kids do their own things.

Getting back on Track with Cleaning {Home Life}

You know those mornings you wake up and enter the main living area of your house and it is spotless? No? Me neither.

I wake up in the master bedroom to a disaster (still). The rest of the house just seems to follow suit, though it is not nearly as bad as the bedroom.

Things sort of fell to the wayside after fall break from school. I have been playing catch up since. But in all honesty it really hasn't been too bad.

Yes:
~The kids have way more clothes than they can wear in 2 weeks (forget trying to wash that many clothes).
~I have way more clothes than I need (and thankfull I don't wear them all, laundry would be aweful)!
~The kids have toys they haven't played with since being babies, and yet those still get scattered around the house.

About a year ago I took a free challenge (sent over email) with Kendra Hennessy over at Mother Like a Boss called the Reluctant Homemaker Boot Camp. She now has it as a paid course. It makes me sad as I wish I could go through it again. (I am not recieving anything for this post. no affiliate, no free courses, this is not an advertisement)

It was amazing. I needed it like a kick in the butt to get me up and doing things after my mother-in-law passed away to be able to even try to stay on top of things. We were the 'wait until a big even at the house before we started cleaning' type cleaners. The thing that helped me the most was establishing a simple cleaning schedule for the week. Not icluding yearly or monthly tasks, just what needed to get done during the week. Forgetting all those printables you can find off pinterest. My schedule was tailored for me.

I had a friend visit a few weeks after implementing my schedule and she had even complemented on the cleanliness of my house (I had no idea how bad it was before, aparently.)

Anywho. I wrote down all the areas I needed to clean during the week. Only things I needed to do, not necessarily the kids. And I didn't manage to fit in the master bedroom which is probably why it is still a clutter disaster! Hey now, I have gotten rid of quite a bit of stuff! Work-in-progress....

I picked days that would be easiest to clean those areas, and restricted myself to 30 minutes (some weeks it was more some it was less). I was cleaning the baseboards just to find something to clean for my designated 30 minutes that week. When it starts out not a grimey mess, it takes less time to clean! (mind blown moment for me! Yay aha! moments! Ha!) Seriously, it was amazing the difference!

I even had laundry days devoted to each person in the house (except husband, he is in charge of his own laundry). I had cleaned off the top of the dryer during my laundry room cleaning day (it also houses the cat box) and was able to start using the top of the dryer for my laundry station.

My house wasn't spotless. Don't get me wrong. But it was much nicer than the mess it was before.

And, then I stopped for a while. And my house became the disaster area it was before I started.

But, we are getting back on track! I'm jumping back on the cleaning schedule train and it has made such a big difference in my house! This (coupled with other things) has actually saved me a bit of time during the day so I can do things I would rather do (like writing this stuff for you!) and sewing, and working on decluttering my craft/office space!

I don't have a multi-level house. It's not a super huge house (but not super tiny either). That said I want to share with you what I do for my areas. (Not that it is necessary for you, you have a completely different life in a different house!)

The areas I wrote down and decided I needed to focus on for my family:

Living areas - More specifically, the carpet. Lets face it. Kids and carpet do not mix well. Add to it we live in an area surrounded by dirt! I should vacuum more than once a week. But I vacuum once a week. The kids have to make sure all their stuff is picked up by the time we reach vacuum day or it's getting tossed.

The kids bathroom, Master bathroom. Everything that goes with cleaning a bathroom. And, I only have one little boy! I focus on each bathroom on a different day. As time passes I might start combining these two.

Kitchen - wiping down the dining table, washing placemats, sweeping and mopping the floor, and the stove, declutter counters, clean out uneaten food from the fridge. I try to sweep every evening. For several years (excpet last year when I was keeping up with the schedule) we had ants invade our kitchen around the start of our monsoon season. I try to do dishes every night too. If there is room in the washer I will fill it with the spoon rest and coffee pot. After it finishes running I open it and leave it open to dry more and will put it away while the kids eat breakfast. I also wanted this as close to trash day for yucky food coming out of the fridge so it wouldn't sit in the bin too long.

Laundry Room - why is it that clothes and towels always seem to pile up in here? I will do an extra load if necessary or move those things to their proper hampers. I focus on the floor with sweeping and mopping. Our a/c and heater intake is in this room so I will dust around it and make sure the filter is ok. I also clean the cat box and make sure the cat's bowls are clean. It's not a big room. More like a hot halway with wa washer and dryer included. I wanted this one closest to trash pick up for the cat box reasons.

I divided these amongst the weekdays, since the weekends are super busy.

Monday - Vaccuum (main living spaces and kids rooms)
Tuesday - Kids bathroom
Wednesday - kitchen
Thursday - Laundry room
Friday - master bath (trash day)

Next I fit in the laundry. There was nothing specific to it. It's just the way it fell and the way it stayed.

Monday - N
Tuesday - S
Wednesday - K
Thursday - Me
Friday - Towels
Saturday - Sheets

It's taken us a few weeks to get back into the habit of keeping things off the floor for the vacuuming day and getting caught up with the buildup from the last 6 months. But, it has started to feel decently livable and comfortable. And I am not spending all day playing catch up cleaning. I am limiting myself to 30 minutes so I can do other things. If it's not done I will come ack to it next week. And I am getting better at putting things away instead of leaving them out so I don't have to waste time on that when I spend the time cleaning.

This, coupled with meal prepping on Sunday (I will talk about that later), has made a huge difference in the amount of time I have during the week. I am still learning, but it has been great!

When do you do your cleaning? Were you like our "before", did you clean it when it looked dirty, or do you have more of a schedule?

Spring Break? Sick Break {Parenthood}

It's the first day of Spring Break. The kids are excited to get out and have fun at the jump place, the park, the zoo, wherever our little hearts desire to explore. But as I give the kids good morning hugs I notice one of them is feeling a bit warm to the touch. My heart starts to pound and I know a higher temperature is going to read on the thermometer. 

Spring Break. Winter break. Summer Break. It's all just a sick break.

It seems to be the time my kids get sick. It's like their little bodies know now is the time that they do not need to be anywhere so it is ok to fall ill to some strange virus. I am stuck between feeling glad that I do not have to go anywhere and sad that my poor babies are feeling so icky. Every few days another one succumbs to the virus and before we know it, the whole household has become infected as our bit of free time comes to an end.

It's the few times out of the year where we can pile up into the car and head somewhere without too many restrictions. School breaks are the adventure times. The times where we don't have to adhere as much to the strict bedtimes as we do while the school is in session. I just want to cry for missing this time to have fun! Especially since the kids missed out on park adventure dates and similar fun times while myself and husband were sick during this past winter break.

Kids get sick. It's what they do. Instead of heading somewhere fun we are having movie-filled days with popcorn and fruit gummies. We are snuggling extra amounts on the couch. Sippy cups filled with juice and ice have been at the ready. As moms and parents, that is what we do when the kids get sick.

Too bad they couldn't miss a day or two of school. But with the weird on and off again fevers they have it is probably a good thing since they would have missed an entire week plus of school.

I guess it's a good thing that the virus waited until break to hit the family. We are lucky they get 2 weeks off for spring break. Otherwise, the kids would have missed school. It was a good time for no guilt cuddling and for mommy to work her magic on the healing process.

Hopefully it's gone before the kids go back to school at the beginning of next week. Even if it means we don't get to go out and do some fun things. No guilt. Just keep cuddling those sick babies.

What is This 'Calm' You Speak Of? {My One Word Update}

I was holding my breath, trying to keep from screaming at the top of my lungs. I needed to let it loose. I don't doubt my face was turning red. I'm sure the kids weren't positive how to handle mommy at that moment. The look of fear was plain to see in their bulging eyes, but then so was their attempts to stifle laughs as per the shape of their upturned little mouths. But good gravy man alive, if I had told them not to do something over and over again, day in and day out only for them to do it. I'm going to lose it. Or make a spectacle of myself trying not to. This was one of those times. I was making a spectacle of myself. At least it was from the comfort of my home without the many spectators at, say, Walmart. 

Me trying to stay calm is like telling the tide to stay out. Or, at least, that is how it feels to me. Especially when it feels the children are refusing to follow directions. It's amazing how something so simple seems to be forgotten at the drop of a hat. But, that is beside the point. They are children after all. Me on the other hand. I'm trying. I'm trying so hard to be a better mom. A better wife. A better me. I need to find some calm so I can be that better me that I know is in there. Somewhere.

Calmness.

I've been working on it. It has been 6 months since I made that my "one word" for the year and a million other things have crept up. I kept thinking that I should change it. But that would defeat the purpose of picking that word, of being guided through prayer and circumstance to that word. 

This is where that word has directed me so far this year.

I need to be intentional. 

Intentional with the kids: setting boundaries, laying down the rules for particular playtime, intentional with stating my expectations for them, intentional with setting them up for a great day. It's amazing how much I can do to make the day run smoothly. Of course, it is always after the fact when I smack my forehead and tell myself, "well Jess, all that frustration could have been avoided if you had just done _______." Yeah. Intentional. How many times do I lose my cool only because the kids just didn't know what was expected? It's not an innate quality of life. We are here to teach and guide them. They don't know unless I tell them, teach them, help them. 

Same with the Husband. Mostly this focus is expectations. He doesn't know unless I tell him. My mom-in-law said something along the lines of that. She was so right. And it is so true. I'm trying to tell him more. I let him know that I need to know too. It's amazing how much of my frustration with the kids was just bouncing off the frustration with him. That frustration stops there when we know what is expected when we know and understand the disappointment and can correct it at the source rather than spread it around to everyone. It's easier to forgive and ask for forgiveness when we know where we fell short.

I need to set goals for myself.

Now, I know what you are saying. "Hellooo, Jessi. Isn't that the purpose of the One Word? Not to have those resolutions and new years goals hovering over you all year only to fail because you didn't even work on them?" Umm... yes... but, no. Not those kinds of goals. Goals like, what kind of person do you want to be in 6 months? Your situation and circumstance is due in part to the type of person you are, right? So, the best way to change things is to set those goals for you. Set yourself up for the growth.

I want to be the type of person who finishes things. Like, projects and the simple act of putting things away. (seriously, how hard is it to put a pair of scissors away instead of leaving it on the counter, but I do it all the time!) In order to get there, I need materials and a place to work in. I have the materials and space but it is so disorganized. My brain is disorganized. The clutter is out of this world. I don't like waking up to a huge heaping mess in my room/office/craft room. I get out of bed cranky just looking at it. I do all I can just to avoid being around all that stuff!

Honestly. We had all the kids' toys (and I mean ALL of them) in our bedroom. Right at the foot of our bed. it was awful. We had bought a new thing and needed a place to put it. The space where the kids' toys were happened to be the best place for that huge thing. So we gave the kids their toys back. 

Having the room to move back was amazing! It helped me realize that I need to clear out some of the stuff I already have to make the room I need to be able to do the things I want to do (phew, that was a mouthful!). I am in the process of getting rid of a lot of stuff. Husband questions lots of it, too. He even suggested getting a shed to store fabric and things. I would almost never go into a shed for fabric. Create room by making a house just for fabric? A dream to some sewists, I get that. Maybe one day in the past it would have sounded perfect to me. I have read so many places "You cannot keep all the things and keep a clean house". I need to get a control on the excess first. I want to feel that I created the space by being better, not just shifting it from one building to another.

Now that all those things are making their way into the living spaces to be sorted, organized, and gone through, I find I have been getting more irritable more quickly. Mess? Yeah, mess, you gotta go and that means a lot of the stuff has gotta go too. 

I need to find contentment with what I have.

I need to not buy more stuff if I am getting rid of it, right? I need to be happy with thankful for what I have. I need to pass on those things so others that need it (or rather, want it) can get a hold of it and I need to do so with joy in my heart. That's such a big thing. Do the things with joy in your heart. It's amazing how much that joy can overflow. 

I'm working on a contentment challenge that will go through until Christmas. Just what I needed at the time I came to the realization that I needed it. Perfect.

I'm not perfect. Staying calm will always be a work in progress.

I imagine I will continue to hold my breath to keep from screaming at the top of my lungs just to vent frustration. After all, kids are the kings and queens of blatant disregard for rules and I am only human, after all. 

The fact that these lessons are coming up for me is just evidence that I am focusing on the right "one word" this year. I am doing my best to listen, pray, and learn. It's not easy, but then when is life ever easy?

What was your focus this year? What have you learned from it so far?

Mom Life: Let's Speak with Compassion and Grace

"If I can clean my house, vacuum my floor, do the dishes and still play with my kids anyone can do it. They are just being lazy moms."

I read a comment similar to this not too long ago. It made my heart rate speed up, my hands start to shake and I needed to talk to someone immediately lest I blow up at some unsuspecting person (namely the children due to proximity).

The comment was tagged with a blog post here. Now I can totally respect a mom saying to another mom, "it's ok, you can do the dishes. The kids wont miss anything and you wont miss anything. Just do the dishes." Sometimes we just need to hear that it is ok. In fact I try to keep on top of the dishes fairly regularly in my house. Sure sometimes it sits a little bit especially when it comes to unloading the dishwasher when the toddler is awake. Goodness knows that girl will drag every single spoon, fork and everything within reach all over the house only for me to need to wash them again.

But, if you were to come over a year ago, the kitchen counters would have been covered in dirty dishes. Cups with milk in the bottom, plates with syrup and crumbs, sticky pots and pans on my stove. I'll stop before I gross myself out. But, you get the idea!

Would I have called myself lazy? Probably. But why do that to myself? I was in a season of life where I felt I couldn't do anything right. Postpartum depression had taken over my life and you would have been lucky just to catch me in something other than my pjs! I wasn't lazy; I was sick. If anything, I was in a season where I needed compassion the most. I needed some grace.

Fast forward to about a month ago and you would have found me with a bunch of dirty cups all over my counters and sinks and clean ones in the dishwasher just waiting to be put away.

But that was the season of life I was in. I had 10 people staying in my house and we were grieving the loss of my mother-in-law. She was dearly loved and is dearly missed. My focus was not the dishes, but the people. The dishes would get done eventually. My people needed compassion. We all needed some grace.

Just like the seasons change throughout the year, so we enter seasons of motherhood. Seasons where our houses are spotless and every dish and cup gets cleaned immediately. Seasons where we can barely lift our bodies of the couch to eat a chip let alone cook a full course meal for our families.

Just like the seasons we enter, there is a blog post to coincide. It makes us feel guilty that we aren't doing the dishes when we know we should. Guilty that we aren't playing with our kids the way we feel we should. Guilty that we are being lazy. Let's speak with compassion and grace. Goodness knows we have enough guilt without having other moms adding to it.

Hugs to you momma.

Hugs to you for the season you are in. Whether it be with an itty bitty baby, a school aged minion, a teenager, or any of the seasons in between. Hugs to you with your dishes in the cupboard or in the sink.

Tough love is one thing. But, compassion gives so much more. We all need some grace. There is a reason these times are called seasons. They wont last forever.

Let us watch our words and speak with grace. Someone may be in a tough season of life and need to be shown some compassion. You just might not know who. One day, it may be you.

I Love Food {I Hate Food}

I have a love-hate relationship with food.

You know the battle? I love to eat food. Yummy... Tasteful... Flavorful... I love ingredients that are common but thrown together in such a way which cause your taste buds to dance. I love foreign and exotic flavors from across the globe which add an element of excitement to dinner. I love trying new foods, new recipes, and eating something outside of our normal dinner line up.

But, for the component of supreme dislike: I don't like to prep food. I am not good at taking the time to read the ingredients and follow the directions. I usually end up making a mistake and botch dinner or I change it to the point where it isn't the same and can't recreate the amazing meal. Hey, I'm working on that! But, it probably keeps me from eating all the food all the time! Ha!

The other night I was super excited. I found a cool cookbook at the library and was going to try one of the recipes. It called for wine, an inexpensive cut of beef, some simple ingredients in my cupboard already, and a new veggie I have been trying to fit into dinners lately. It was a win in my book all the way around. I even doubled the sauce, a mistake I thought I learned the week prior with a recipe from the same book. I followed directions, prepped the ingredients, set the crock pot and was good to go!

I loved it. Loved the flavor. Loved how the meat turned out, tender and juicy. I loved the combination of it with the orzo (first time trying that too). Took a bite and I was ecstatic. Looked over at the baby who was happily devouring her food...

See, I have this tendency to cook for the people in my house. I cook to appease the minions. I cook to feed the husband.

This time, I did it. This time I cooked for me.
Love. The. Food.

I look back at the baby who was silently spitting out all her food. The oldest was complaining about the leaves being something you weren't supposed to eat (it was bits of dried basil). My middle was pushing her meat around with her fork and her orzo with her spoon. Husband asked with every bite, "what's this, what's that flavor, what's this flavor".
Hate. The. Food.

We made a meal once and had some people to come over. One of our guests complained about feeling bloated from "eating this junk". That was a few years ago. What we made was from scratch. How could it be junk? It wasn't junk. But it stuck with me. It was enough to discourage me. Maybe there was/is something wrong with my taste buds. Or, maybe my flavor palate is just different.

And now my family was not eating what I had made...  again...

Love the food...

Hate the food...

It's a fine line.

Do I cook to appease the masses? Or do I cook for me?

I think I am just going to start cooking for me. I have a feeling there will always be that love-hate relationship with the food.

What Kind of Example is My Messy Room!?

"Why should I clean my room, Mommy, when your's is such a mess?"

My mouth dropped open. I'm sure a fly might have flown in, buzzed around a bit and left. Those were the words that came out of my oldest, my 6-year-old's, mouth. Sure, I might have been scream yelling at him to clean his room for the last few hours days prior to that question's utterance, just to get the house ready for guests. But, come on. Your 6, child!

How do you respond to a statement such as that? How do you combat the logic and reasoning presented to you by a 6-year-old mind? Because, it's true right? I mean, what have I shown my son besides a messy room? What kind of example am I leading?

We celebrated the baby's 1st birthday a few weeks ago. It was glorious. Funfetti cake with bright blue frosting... The kids were playing their little hearts out in the backyard... We spent the better part of a week cleaning the same parts of the house over and over again just to be ready in time.

As a friend of mine went through our master bedroom to use the bathroom (the guest bath was occupied) I cringed at the thought that she would have to traverse the tiny pathway and actually see the mess! Oh good gravy, the mess... The Mess... With all the yelling and watching and supervising, I never got to lay a finger on my own room.

How much time a day do you talk to your kids about cleaning up? I am pretty sure I tell my kids about 10 million times. Ok. Maybe not that many times. But, I'm sure it's a lot. I tell them to clean up if they want to watch tv, clean up if they want candy, clean up so they can drive their power wheel car outside, clean up for this, clean up for that. I am sure I say it 10 million times more than is absolutely necessary.

But, how often do they see you cleaning? I am pretty sure I spend most of my time standing at the sink washing the gazillion bowls they thought was necessary for breakfast. Apparently a kid needs more than one bowl for cereal in the morning. I don't understand their rationale, or how they manage to get the bowls. I place them high in the cupboard on purpose. They are ninjas... But, do they see me tidying up my own things? Not really. I leave them where I put them, set them down on the counter real fast so that I can pour a glass of milk and forget what I was doing in the 10 seconds the action of pouring milk takes. They don't see me clean.

After everyone at the birthday party went home, we were left behind to take in and absorb the shambles that only a really good birthday party leaves in it's wake. I walked into my kids' rooms and saw the mess. My son looked at me with defeat in his eyes. I just shook my head, shrugged my shoulders and gave him a hug. "did you have fun with your friends?". "yes" he told me. Then I walked to my bedroom and looked at the mess there. No one except my 1 friend went through there and it was worse than my son's room. What am I showing my son? What kind of example am I setting with my own room a mess?

Have you read The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up (check out my initial review here) or ClutterFree with Kids (initial review here) or Allie Casazza's Blog? Even the multitude of the organizing/tidying/purging/cleaning facebook groups say to do the same thing when it comes to teaching your kids how to clean/tidy their own spaces. I'm sure if I search harder I could find it stated more. Lead by example. Eventually they will do it too. 

Really, that's what I need to do to get my kids to clean their rooms? Lead by example? At least that's the position we are in now. The towers of boxes and books and fabric and patterns all need to get torn down, purged/cleaned/organized. No matter how long it takes, I need to clean my own stuff and my kids need to see it being done by me. 

Maybe they might not clean it right away. Maybe they will find another excuse. But if I can get it under control at least I am leading by example, and they will learn through their interactions with me and my things. At least I wont hear him say "why should I if you don't."

My Motherhood is {not} Defined by a Pair of Toddler Jeggings

My life seems to revolve around the kids' clothes. I buy their clothes as they grow bigger. I make their clothes for special events. I wash, dry, fold and put away their clothes as they get dirty. Doesn't it seem like a never ending flow of laundry?! It only gets bigger and bigger and bigger by the day, no matter how many loads are done. Oh yeah, right... I keep buying more... And. cannot forget those outfits and clothes I favor! You know. The ones I feel I need want to take a picture of every. single. time they wear it? Yeah. those ones. They are so gosh darn cute! They should wear it Every Day!! (too much? yeah, too much..) But they are so cute! 

I think it's even harder when those favorite outfits, those favorite pairs of clothes, are hand-me-downs from older siblings. It's as much a favorite then as it is now! And you get to experience all the glorious cuteness again! Like a pair of girl's toddler jeggings. The kind that actually looks like jeans, but isn't. It even had pockets, real pockets, on the back with the word "love" embroidered on them. I swear, it was my go to pair of pants for my middle when she wore that size and by golly, it's my go to pair now for my munchkin too. But gee whiz if I never got a picture of those darn cute pants with 'love' on their little bottoms! Gah, I love them even now!

What happened to those favorite pair of pants? Gone. Vanished! Off the face of the earth! (ok, maybe not off the face of the earth, but it sure felt like it!) I was in a state, looking everywhere. Literally turned the diaper bag inside out, looking for those pants. Could. Not. Find. Them. I was devastated. Seriously, ugly cried about a silly pair of toddler jeggings with the word 'love' embroidered on the back pockets. I try to justify my feelings by saying they are one of the few pairs we have which actually fit. They are one of the few pairs she can wear with everything. But, all that does is make it worse. I become more of a basket case.

How in the world did I end up in such a state over a pair of pants? It's not just the pants! It was a blanket, a pair of shoes, a stuffed animal, a toy car. Something. Something hard to replace. I felt like such a bad mom because there I was yelling, crying, so distraught over a pair of pants. I asked myself how, how could I keep my kids safe and healthy and happy if I cannot even keep track of a simple pair of pants?!?

As I sat on the floor, the contents of the diaper bag surrounding me in the entryway, I realized the absurdity of the statement. My motherhood is not defined by whether or not I've kept track of a pair of pants! How many other items have I lost my cool trying to find? How many other items have I let get to me so much to the point where I feel like a failure because I cannot find them in a moments notice? Why am I letting objects dictate my worth as a parent?

I looked up from my weeping mess on the floor (the Kleenex' adding to the pile surrounding me) and look at my kids. Do they care the pants are gone? no, they care about their mommy weeping on the ground. The baby would rather go naked than wear clothes anyway! They smile at me and ask if I am ok. I'm alright because they are safe and healthy and happy. After all, it was just a pair of pants, right!?!

My house is a mess. Chock full of stuff that doesn't matter, stuff we really don't need. The laundry, be it dirty or clean, scatters it's way across the floor from bedroom to laundry room. I might loose a pair of socks here or there, accidentally leave a spare pair of underwear in the bathroom at the grocery store. Have a shirt fall out of the diaper as I search for my wallet at the gas station. But I can always replace those things. Even if I never got them in a cute dressed up picture I still have the precious moments and memories. I cannot replace my kids. Their smiles are what define my worth as a mom.  They are happy and healthy and safe and they have stayed that way because I focus on them and not the contents of the diaper bag .(hence those lost items!)

You know what happened with the pair of jeggings? I kid you not, it showed up 2 days later. In my son's room. It disappeared long enough for me to have a revelation. I was so upset; I'm surrounded by junk and can't even hold on to a special pair of pants. I needed those special pair of pants to disappear for me to realize where the imposed importance came from.

The pants aren't what was special. My kids made those pants special. 

There will be more things made special because they will make it so. Their smiles, their laughter, their beaming little faces is what will add sentiment to whatever comes next. And, regardless of the endless flow of laundry, I will do my best to remember...

My life is not defined by a pair of toddler pants!

Baby Girl is 1! {Happy Birthday}

On July 19th, my baby girl turned 1! On July 20th we celebrated her birthday with friends and family. :) Over at GYCT Designs I'm sharing the sheets I made to help me with planning and organizing the birthday party as part of her Sizzlin' Summer Organization Series.

Enjoy some of the pictures here of the party, her cake Hubby decorated and her 'eating' it, and the dress I made her. :)

We used a Koala theme for the birthday cake and invitations. It also happens to be the mural that is on her wall in her bedroom! :) We used the Koala from the Create a Critter for the  (affiliate)for the Cricut Expression Cutting Machine (affiliate) , cut it out from cardstock and used it to make an impression in the frosting.  Hubby then filled it in with frosting once removing the cardstock.

She was shy listening to happy birthday

Baby girl, just like her brother, was not a fan of the frosting!

And some more cake eating pictures, mostly because I missed the first bite...

We had family and friends over, and I am so thankful for them celebrating with us. I was too busy to take too many pictures, but here are a few good ones.

Cousin's helped open presents. They are such good helpers.

I made her a dress for the day too, in a very thin material to help stay cool. It's the Peek-a-Boo Pattern Shop's Sweetheart Halter (affiliate). I just extended the shirt to make it a dress. 

Don't forget to head over to GYCT Designs and check out the sheets I made that help me plan birthday parties (and other parties). 

Happy Birthday, Baby Girl! May you have many more!

Read a Book: Carry On Warrior by Glennon Melton {book review}

*This post contains affiliate links. I have not received compensation for this review, nor was it requested of me to do this review. All opinions are my own*

'we live in a brutiful world... brutally beautiful'

I have been looking for books to read, and I am so lucky that the moms with MOPs do a book club every month to every couple of months and last month's book was Carry On, Warrior: Thoughts on Life Unarmed by Glennon Doyle Melton. She is also the person behind Momastery. I will admit, I am not too familiar with the website before this book. But now I have and will explore it a lot more.

This book is almost like her autobiography, the story of her life. I could only imagine what the story of a previous drug addict would be like. Hers is an incredible one.  She has lessons that are important to share and I think I may need another copy just to write, highlight, and post-it certain parts. So many "pages from her book" that I would love to be able to apply to parenting and relationships.

One of my favorite lines is "Be confident because you are a child of God. Be humble because everyone else is too." I am exploring my faith more and a goal of entering my 30's was to understand more of what it means to be Christian. So this line spoke to me. But this is not her entire book. 

Another that had me thinking over the weekend, especially with some pent up frustration (the last time I was without the kids aside from my nap on Sunday was over a month ago), was that someone has to be the first one to pour the wine, assuming your significant other drinks wine. In my case, it's water. You need to forgive each other, and you need to communicate. When the communication falters because of whatever life gets in the way, someone has to do something nice for the other. Monday, I had a cold glass of water waiting for hubby when he got home. It's amazing the things that can happen when you do something for somebody else.

Though, I don't think I will be placing a paper bag over my head anytime in the near future.

In her book, Carry On, Warrior: Thoughts on Life Unarmed, Glennon stopped drugs and drinking when she found out she was pregnant with her first child. And from there she has incredible stories of dealing with no longer doing those things and relearning how to live while, at the same time, teaching her children to be the best people they can be. Love others, treat others with respect, love yourself, appreciate life. It is all in there! I'm sure there is something in there almost anyone can relate to!

We are not all perfect, and there is no reason for us to hide that.

I really recommend this book. It is an incredible, fast read.

I have laughed out loud, I have cried and I would read it over again.

Some of the reviewers on GoodReads and Amazon complain that the chapters are not long enough, that several blog posts do not make a book. My opinion differs. I am one who has to complete a chapter before I can put a book back down. This makes it hard with the demands of children and husband, dishes and laundry (when I try not to leave them in the washer for a week), and with the shorter chapters, I can read them quickly and attend to their needs.

Check out her website Momastery.

Happy Reading,